Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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