Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i out mim tonsoeep
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