I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
