All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
