White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
