I smell stomach acid.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
