My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize