forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
