i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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