it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize