ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
