My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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