I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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