Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
