Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
