And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize