So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
