i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
