girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
