Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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