God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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