New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Shame is for Republicans.
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