You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
not ubering you a puppy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
