I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
