What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
