i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
