I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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