I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
