now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize