I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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