Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
