if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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