Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
