I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Houston, we have a blender
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
