We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
