Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
