I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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