I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
