I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
