He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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