Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
