here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i think i just lost a toe
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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