Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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