I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is wine microwaveable?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
