i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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