Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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