God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
