At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
