tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
