Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
