god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
sex in a hospital.. check
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
