Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your penis caused this!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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