i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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