I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
