cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
