you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize