I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
