why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
