I hate your face
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
