She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize