So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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