When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
