i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
