Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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