Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
