He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
