i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
