Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bet he comes in French.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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