i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
