Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
