At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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