i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could make wine with my vomit
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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