This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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