i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize