they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
