I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
