I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
