I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
