I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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