I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
