If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they need to just BURY HIM!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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