Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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