forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize