normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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