i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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