after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
