Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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