if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
