I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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