bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
