all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
