Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
