youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
