2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
