so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
