she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize